As an early intervention specialist, I spend my days looking at behavior through a different lens than most people do. When a child melts down, refuses, or seems “out of control,” I am not asking, “How do we stop this?” I am asking, “What is this telling us?”
Recently, I worked with two preschoolers who both struggled during circle time. They wandered. They interrupted. They resisted transitions. To the untrained eye, they looked the same.
They weren’t.
One little boy struggled with language processing. When directions were given quickly, he simply could not keep up. His frustration built because he did not fully understand what was expected. When we slowed our speech, added visuals, and gave him processing time, his behavior changed. Not overnight—but steadily. His outbursts were rooted in a skill gap.
The other child understood every direction. He could explain the routine perfectly. His behavior surfaced when expectations were not enforced consistently. When the adults in his world aligned, set clear limits, and followed through calmly, his resistance decreased. His struggle was not a delay. It was a boundary issue.
That distinction matters more than people realize.
According to the CDC, about one in six children in the United States has a developmental disability.^1 Early identification and intervention dramatically improve long-term outcomes. The earlier we support skill development, the stronger the foundation becomes.
At the same time, the American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that consistent, predictable discipline helps children build self-regulation and emotional security.^2 Boundaries are not harsh. They are stabilizing.
Here is the danger: when we assume every challenging behavior is a disorder, we unintentionally lower expectations for children who are capable. When we assume every challenging behavior is defiance, we miss children who truly need support. In early intervention, we are trained to study patterns across settings, developmental milestones, communication skills, sensory responses, and emotional regulation. We do not guess. We assess.
I am not “just” a teacher working on academics. I am evaluating neural pathways, attachment patterns, and developmental trajectories. I am looking at whether a child lacks the skill or lacks the structure.
One child cannot yet do what we are asking.
Another child can, but is learning whether we mean what we say.
Both deserve thoughtful responses.
Early childhood is not the time to react quickly. It is the time to intervene wisely. When we combine compassion with clear boundaries, we give children the two things they need most: support to grow and structure to feel safe.
That is the work.
And the difference is everything.
Footnotes
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health,” last reviewed March 8, 2023, https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/data.html.
- American Academy of Pediatrics, “Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children,” Pediatrics 142, no. 6 (2018), https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-3112.